In which there are bright spots

March 27, 2012

One thing I did not anticipate about being essentially home-bound for the last 18 months is the wide variety of corporate colleges advertising to exhort me to become a medical billing technician — a job whose title alone causes my spine to collapse, leaving me twitching with hallucinogenic boredom.

These ads sometimes feature angry young people insulting the viewer — “You’re just sitting on the couch. This is easy. Why you got to make it complicated?” (Storms off in disgust.)

There are also ads for various cancer centers, each promising more gentle and caring treatment than the last. “Fuck YOU,” I say, neutrally, to these ads for places my insurance won’t cover.

I’m not sure what people think I do all day, but it’s mostly napping, taking drugs, and holding myself back from writing BOO HOO to someone who just posted on FB that her $37 olive oil went rancid before she could use it. THAT IS A TRAGEDY, I think, closing my FB page.

I talked to my therapist the other day and I told her that mostly, when people say something moronic to me, I want to tell them to shut up, get off my lawn. “And how do you feel about seeing yourself becoming this?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer. It did not seem to be the neutral question it was phrased as. “How do you like being a big bitch?” Part of me doesn’t give a shit. Part of me knows that I cannot hold it together forever. My patience is very thin. My gracious side can’t always come out to play. So far, I’ve been able to manage laconic in place of outright rude.

We shall she how she holds. There’s always corporate college. Why I gotta make everything so complicated? It’s easy!



  1. One of Bob and my favorite sayings is, “Nope it’s still broken. My give-a-damn is broken.” You can shake your head slowly for extra effect. You’re welcome to use it any time you want to bust a homey Midwestern move. It’s easy!

    • I like it. It implies a possible repair, but with no deadline given. That’s my kind of commitment.

  2. Personally, I prefer playing the world’s smallest violin. It’s both to the point and entertaining to think about.

    • Mmm. Classic.

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