In which we say goodbye

May 30, 2012


Turquoise, also known as Violet. Lost to us May 29, 2012. Here she is, always the life of the party, in 2007.

Hello, this is Becky writing, a friend of Turquoise/Violet. With the permission of her brother, I am posting an update here.

As most everyone knows by now, our dear girl passed on yesterday — Tuesday, May 29 — at dawn. She waged a long and brave war with cancer, outliving her diagnosis by an impressive amount of time. She was at home, surrounded by family, music, peace — and, of course, her fierce and faithful cat, Kong.

There is not much I can add that hasn’t been said here in the comments, or on Facebook, or on blogs, or in person. She was a sweet, complex, beautiful star and we’ll miss her forever.

Her family would like to let you know there will be a memorial in approximately one month, in Ventura County. I will post details as soon as they get finalized.

If you have any questions, please email me and I can put you in touch with her brother.

Love to all, Becky (aka hambox)



  1. Thank you, Becky/Hambox, for this lovely entry. I had feared such an entry would someday happen. Violet was my favorite blogger. I followed her way back in the Diaryland days and here as well. She could turn a phrase like no other and had a fantastic and clever imagination. I will miss her and shall drink a greyhound in her honor, at a waterside bar. Much love to you, the Captain, the Cyclone, her family and all we came to know through Violet’s tales as you mourn this monumental loss.

  2. Sure do miss her – under all her various names and pseudonyms. She was one of a kind.

  3. Thank you so much for posting this, Becky. The world has lost such a bright star. She really did make an impression on me, and I will miss her dreadfully.

  4. My sweet fox-loving friend how I miss you already. You brought such light to my world, without you there will always be a corner of darkness. My tears are a waterfall that splash into a beautiful turquoise pool centred in the middle of the magical trailer park where someday I will join you.

  5. What lovely words … amazing to see how many people she touched. I will also be posting information about where friends can make a donation in her name, if so inclined. Her family is making decisions on this now.

  6. “In time, in time they tell me, I’ll not feel so bad. I don’t want time to heal me. There’s a reason I’m like this.
    I want time to set me ugly and knotted with the loss of you, marking me. I won’t smooth you away.
    I can’t say goodbye.”

    ― China Miéville, The Scar

    The light that burns brightest burns half as long, burn ever on Miss T in that deluxe trailer park in the sky, xoxo

    • So true Dan. So true. I know she’s having a blast decorating her trailer and catching up on the latest gossip up there… I miss her so…

  7. She will be missed!

  8. Violet – you were always such a good friend. I am going to miss our chats and will miss you. Peaceful travels. You have always left a trail for others to follow. We will see you again one day. Time here on earth – just a blink of a second. You now are a part of the big truth of it all – I really really love you Violet.

  9. oh dear violet. blessings to you above and beyond. thank you for sharing this journey with us. i loved your wit and truth in which great form it took in this blog. thank you for supporting me on my path. i will try my damndest to continue this fight for you…
    thank you becky for letting us know.

  10. Reblogged this on keepthecalm and commented:
    a moment of silence for fellow blogger, cancer fighter, violet of still life with idiots. in which her wit will be greatly missed.

  11. There has never been, nor will ever be, another Dame like our Miss T. Our hearts cry out in the sadness of not seeing her beauty in our physical world… But in the spirit, we will see her evermore. A more precious friend I have never known. Forever, I will love you one zillion. ~ Queen B

  12. Goodbye, Friend. You were a life changer.

  13. Bowing, paying homage to big hair, subtly smiling red lips and a cunning twinkle in those big eyes… I can still hear your voice. You were an inspiration to me, you insisted that I be myself. You helped me in subtle ways to individuate, you always encouraged me to flower into my creative potential. I cannot recollect an unkind word issued from your lips. Though you had plenty of opportunity to censure my goofy ideas, you did not but rather encouraged and perhaps at times demanded that I continue to come up with even goofier ones. You remembered to me the importance of the zany when I dropped my senses and tripped in a puddle of seriousness. I confessed to you my dreams in bumbling, inarticulate passion and you retorted that of course I could do it, why do anything else? You helped me learn to laugh harder, play freer, to dig deeper. Now vindicated by your journey, your ardor, your pain, your wit… Now saying goodbye for now as you transition from this plane… I can hear you exhorting through a wry smile. “Honey, don’t lose your goof. Don’t lose your heart, your love, your will to life, your self.” Turquoise, I am prepared to vow – through and in the name of this pain that comes with missing you – that I will not, I can not forget these things for the sake of being me, but now more importantly, in loving memory of what you have so graciously given to me. I will rock for you, you precious and rare, beautiful and strange bird!
    El beau, aka poundy boy

  14. The stars are dimmed tonight. Thank you for being a part of my life and the best damn advice giver on the planet.
    Where ever you are, I imagine you kicking up your heels and ruling the party.
    Miss T, I will miss you muchly. Love to you always.

  15. Dear Becky, Thank you for posting this. I struggle to express how important Violet was to me and how influential her blogging was on me–she seemed to never struggle for words–such wit, she had! A genuine creative force even through all the suffering. I was fortunate to know her beyond the blogoshpere too, even beyond Words with Friends. An old friend, her “Captain,” told me she was interested in a bengal cat. I used to raise them and happened to have one in Cali that needed a new home–enter, Kong. Between Kong and our mutual friend, and with our shared love for writing and a hundred other things, we had plenty to text and talk about. I’m surely feeling a hole in my life right now. I had suggested to her that she publish her story, but she actually already has; hasn’t she? What a gift she gave us with her words, art, and life. Thanks, again, Becky, for the lovely post. The comments before mine and the outpouring of love on FB certainly show that I’m hardly alone in my grief. I wish I had met her in person but am just so grateful to have known her at all. xoxo

    • The introduction of Kong into her life improved her health, spirits, and well-being in a thousand different ways — I’m so grateful you made that happen for her! Kong is safely with her brother now, who has bonded to him as T did.

      • Ahh, thanks for the Kong update, Becky. I know how concerned Turquoise was for his future. At one point I told her I’d bring him to Texas if that’s what was needed!

      • I agree with Becky… as a close friend of T’s, I saw first hand how having Kong in her life kept her going when nothing else did. Thank you…

      • Yes, Chrissine, as the girls said, she did so love Kong. Once when he got outside we searched in vain for two days, everywhere around her place. Day and night we searched, leaving his food and water by the door. She did not sleep a wink for that whole two days. We searched first thing in the morning and last thing at night, and many times in between. Then, to our hearts great joy, we heard a little “meeeeow” outside the window… She was ecstatic!!! As were we all. He was her baby and constant companion. He NEVER left her bed when things got bad unless he knew she was asleep. He was a wonderful joy to her. We all love him and he will be well loved wIth her precious brother until he grows old and joins her again. Xoxo ~ QB

      • Thank you for the updates and stories, Becky, Lorelei, and Queen B! I knew about Miss T’s diagnosis when I arranged for the Captain to pick him up and take him to her, so I had also let him know that if this sad day ever came, Kong could always come back home to me in NC as I had raised Kong’s parents too, so he was family. I had told the folks I sold him to that as well, which is why I was in touch. They bought him as a breeder, but altered him after only a year and then they thought he was too wild, so they put him on Prozac! They also limited his house privileges, so being adopted by T was exactly what Kong needed too: TLC and lots of cat napping on the cloud bed. I’m just so happy to hear that he and Ethan have bonded and will remain together. I look forward to keeping in touch with them both. Hugs and blessings to you all!

  16. Becky,

    Thank you for looping us in. I will miss her insightful comments and observations. What a writer! What a woman! What more can I say?

    I wish there was a way those of us in the virtual world could hold a memorial of our own. Will have to think about how that could happen…

    Blessings to everyone who loved Violet. We may live in a virtual world, but our tears are all very real.


    • She was definitely a lady that valued her virtual friends as much as anyone else in her life. She embraced it fully – the internet was a cocktail party, a playground, a place to vent. She absolutely loved you guys.. it was by sheer happenstance that she and I managed to become buddies IRL, but I will miss her voice, her words out here, so so much.

  17. I would also like to thank you Becky for updating this site. Every day I would check for an update and the more time that passed the more I worried. I only knew Violet through blogging but she made me cry, laugh and exclaim out lout many times. It’s weird to cry over a person you never ‘met’ but I am. She will not be forgotten.

  18. Becky, thank you for updating this site for Turquoise; your words are a comfort and it makes me feel better knowing she had you until the end and beyond. Glad to know Kong is staying in the family. That little kitty will help her brother in his grief as he helped her in these last months. I love reading all the tributes in various places. She had a federation of friends and admirers and affected people all over the world. I feel so lucky to have been a recipient of her kindness and a witness to her creative vision.

    And in honor of the rainbow girl, a quote from Richard Brautigan:

    “all of us have a place in history. mine is clouds.”

  19. I’m so glad that Kong is going to her brother. He was her protector and best friend. Becky, thank you for posting this information. I met her in Tucson, then when she moved to California, we were in the same state different places. A ready ear for any calamity or surprise.
    The heart of a lioness and the cachet of Auntie Mame, although I feel Turquoise could top that as well.
    I am glad to have been able to know her and share conversations.
    She’s probably at the Alqonquin, at the table with Dorothy Parker,sharing drinks and war stories, forever kept in our hearts.

  20. I’m so grateful for all of the fun, laughter, wisdom and grace Turquoise brought to my life. I will miss you always, my lovely friend.

  21. Thank you Becky… I read Violet’s blog and her older blog too for years… Trading quips, I thought of her as a real “virtual” friend, She was so full of humor and grace, and so eloquent and lovely. I can’t believe it. I never knew her IRL but will miss her.

  22. What an amazing and beautiful lady! I will try to find her older blog…I have followed her these last few months and am honored to have done so. My deepest sympathy to all her family and dear friends…I am deeply sorry for the loss of this treasure.

  23. I did not know her, but I wish her family and friends the best ❤

  24. Kong says, “hello” to all. You can say say hi to him too here: http://s1153.photobucket.com/albums/p519/asianleopard/ and on Twitter @asianleopard. Peace, C.

  25. Chrissine – so thankful you were able to take Kong and that he’s happy. 🙂 Thank you for sharing. I miss that little guy.

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